Ringing In The New Year With Kindness

It’s a New Year and when people make resolutions to make changes to themselves. Most the time they set the goals so high that they are basically setting themselves up for failure. In some cases, there are a few who manage to achieve whatever goal they set to better themselves but it’s a rare occasion unless their goal is something easy. I’ve seen people set goals to be lazy and get fat and they achieve that goal but that’s not the type of thing you should want to do. We need to pick a realistic goal that will help us improve ourselves for the upcoming year. Maybe we can attempt to be nicer to others or to not clutter the same corner every day. We all need something to work towards in order to boost our self esteem.

Three years ago on December 31, 2014 I chose to take a big leap and leave everything I had known for a decade. I took my kids and left my narcissistic husband in order to better my own life, as well as the lives of my kids. Granted I still have to deal with my EX but I am in a better place as I now know that it wasn’t me who was the problem. It took me over a year after leaving him to realize everything he blamed on me and guilted me into believing wasn’t true. I was scare to death to move away from what had become my comfort zone and taking three kids was a challenge because I felt like I was ruining their lives by changing everything they had come to know. I took them from the home they were born and raised in at the time, the only home they ever knew. I was worried they wouldn’t adjust and would resent me for it. I was scared but I knew that it was the right thing to do. I needed to get them away from that environment and even though they are forced to go visit their father and stepmother I know that when they are older they will understand that what I did was for their own good.

They are ages 9, 7 and 6 and they have seen the difference in how their stepfather treats them compared to their real father. Their real father couldn’t care less if he sees them but his wife makes sure they are made to come there because she thinks she’s hurting me but I never did anything to her and she’s only hurting the kids. I kills me that I have to send them because they hate going and have even cried and threw fits begging not to go unfortunately, I have no choice in the matter. Their father will literally drag them away from me kicking and screaming and it breaks my heart but they are starting to process what is going on and because of the effect he has on them they are resenting him and hate his wife. I have tried to teach them that sometimes life is unfair and that we sometimes have to do things we don’t want to.

I am hoping that this year will get better seeing how last year was absolutely horrid between my 7-year-old son having a bad accident while with his father and step mother that resulted in him getting a black eye and concussion. Then a month later he had to have heart surgery to fix is narrow aorta and is still recovering from that. He lives in fear every time he has to go to his fathers and no matter what I do, I can’t help him. I have tried to fix it but the so called people who are suppose to protect our kids don’t care. The area I live in has a really high child death and abuse rate due to the ones who are in charge of helping kids not doing their jobs until its too late. I have actually been told that they can’t do anything unless the person severally hurts or kills the child. That is not something anyone should ever have to endure and I have been fighting the system trying to get this rule fixed.

I got to spend new years with my kids this year even though the whole Christmas thing was messed up and they had to go back and forth between their father and myself. I took them to visit out of state family and they had the best time ever. It had been so long since I had seen them smile so much that it made everything seem worth the fight. I enjoyed spending time with my kids and seeing their faces full of smiles and delight, but not everyone had a good new year. I learned that some of my good friends went through some bad times during New Years Eve, one friend lost his sister, another friends mom is in the hospital in ICU and another friends husband had to have emergency heart surgery. Those are just a few that I know didn’t get to celebrate in the way they probably wished they could.

I wish I could help each one of them cope or deal with what tragedies they are going through. I was at a New Years Party with my kids when I learned of these things and I took time to be there for them as best as I could. I am hoping that even through their year ended badly maybe their new year will only get better. We never know what someone is going through, so please try to remember that not everyone is happy go lucky, some are in a really bad place and need someone to just listen. I am hoping my friends know they can always come to me no mater what. I am here for them.


  • comment-avatar
    Sandy 12 months

    I feel for those kids. It breaks my heart that they have tongo to thier father. I think it should be up to the xhikd if they want to go or not. Only those kids knows what goes on behind closed doors. And its a shame that our system is so messed up and refuse to help these children or any other child. Im sorry but it BS

  • comment-avatar
    Santana 12 months

    It’s a shame that the system is like that and I didn’t know that’s how they worked makes you think hard about things..those poor babies don’t deserve that..As for your kids they will soon realize momma had to do what momma had to do..and they will be forever grateful..your a great friend and a amazing person.

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